My insurance finally kicked in, so I was able to see the doctor last week. All my blood tests came back fine, which means my issues are likely not related to a pituitary adenoma. I have an ultrasound this afternoon to check my pelvis and see if it's a localized issue, like cysts or edometriosis.
Missed SKK last week due to the flu from hell G brought home from school. Took me all week just to start eating again. I did manage to go this week, and am quite sore with a rather nasty bruise on my wrist that I don't remember getting. Fun times with throwing people around. You never know what's going to get hurt!
Wednesday I have a business dinner meeting with Si Fu to discuss other responsibilities, ordering patches, stickers, and the like, and taste his culinary ability. He has a very important interview for a very prestigious internship in a world class kitchen next week, so I'm looking forward to the opportunity to try his chosen craft.
Work is hectic, I have no desire to go the gym, and all I want to do is sleep and knit. Trying to get out of the post-flu funk, but it's taking awhile. Good news is I lost nearly all the weight I gained back in less than a week.
Mini Update
Hate is such an ugly word, but.....
I hate not being able to work out.
I hate giving in to random, unhealthy craving because I often hurt too bad to bother to make healthy meals.
I hate being a slave to my body.
Just few more days, and my insurance should kick in. In the meantime, screw it.
I will not let some little tumor or cyst or what have you put my life on hold anymore. I made it to SKK yesterday, and made it through a whole class, despite the nagging pain in my pelvis and severe allergies. I hurt so badly today, but I am so happy I pushed myself through.
I've lost most of the gains I made in upper body strength (12 push-ups yesterday, as opposed to 25 just a couple months ago), and gained back most of the weight. It's disheartening. I haven't even stepped on the scale in several weeks, but my pants are getting tighter again.
I think whatever is going on with my body is making it harder to lose the weight, but right now, I want to concentrate on building my strength and endurance back up. I want to belt up before Christmas, and keep progressing toward black belt.
/close declaration of intent.
On a happy note, another newer student belted up yesterday, so congrats the The Artist. It was fun to participate in his test, and Si Fu allowed me the honor of teaching The Artist his first new move post test. I find I greatly enjoy teaching and helping the other students. This is just one more thing to motivate me to continue my training, so I can at some point teach others.
This week is insane; election type stuff, and J & I's anniversary tomorrow will be keeping me busy, but I'll be aiming to ride my stationary bike at least 10 minutes a night, and hope to be able to go the gym Friday after work. I have some small knitting projects, and finally re-discovered the cable for my mp3 player, and I expect this will keep me on the treadmill/bike longer than I normally have the attention span for.
On a final note, I think I will soon spend some time profiling the various members of our little band of martial artists, and others in my life. I know people I don't know occasionally stop by to check this corner of the intarwebs out, and I feel the need to maintain the anonymity of others I write about. Si Fu and The Artist have been introduced, but prepare for a larger cast of characters in the coming weeks :)
One step forward, five steps back
It's been a crap month. Those cramps that nearly kept me from completing my belt test are back, hard. At least three days a week. I've been to the doctor, I've been to the ER, and we may have some idea what is wrong. Right now, I'm waiting for my insurance to kick in (around Oct. 27), and then I will be able to go to the appropriate specialist for a diagnosis.
The symptoms point toward a pituitary adenoma, which is a comforting term for tumor. If it is a tumor, however, it is extremely unlikely it is any kind of cancer. This particular kind is fairly common, and excretes excess prolactin (the hormone responsible for causing lactation after pregnancy). This throws the body's entire hormonal balance out whack, causing symptoms like bone crunching pain in the pelvis (like cramps, but with a chainsaw instead of a hammer), random breakouts, random lactation (yeah, I know, gross and weird), and headaches. The pain medicine is getting me through the days right now, but I can't wait to get a diagnosis and move on with my life. I can't work out, because it makes the pain worse. I am trying to make it to kung fu each week, but even that is taxing. Also, I agreed to return to the handbell choir at my church, and while I love to ring, standing in one spot for a little more than an hour kills me. Doesn't help it's on the day when the cramps are usually the worst.
But! There is good news. Si fu called me last weekend to make sure I wasn't dropping out of class (awful cramps and G's bday party caused me to miss an unheard of 3 weeks), and ask if I would be interested in taking over the business side of Cras~Tao Kungfu,in exchange for a little off my monthly fee. I agreed without hesitation. He is incredibly busy, and I am more than happy to help out with something I am so passionate about. I will be handling all the paperwork, marketing, payments, etc. This week alone, I managed to knock out a new and improved contract, a system for tracking attendance and payments, and a student profile sheet. I also put to together this:
This is my first real attempt at graphic design, and I'm fairly proud of it. Si fu was also surprisingly impressed, and immediately agreed to make it the school logo. I need to do some cleaning up for it to be resized for large print applications, but for now, it works for school paperwork and should be sufficient for patches and stickers.
I'm working on a nasty head cold, and was at church to ring bells at 7:45, so I was in no shape to perform at class today. Instead, I helped wrangle another student's son (from now on, we'll call him Squish), and assisted in teaching class. I observed, offered pointers for cleaning up moves, and occasionally got up and demonstrated when necessary. It was actually nice to be able to work with the white belts and focus on them, not on my own forms. Si fu wants me to instruct eventually, and I think is already starting to groom me. Makes me happy.
Fail.
Last week sucked. Immediately after my last post, I began puking violently. Turns out the ketchup I grabbed out of the drawer at work was probably ten years old. I didn't pay attention when I put it on my sandwich, and noticed it tasted funny. When I looked, the ketchup was nearly black*.
I spit out what remained of the bite, and hoped for the best. Within a couple hours, I could keep nothing down. This of course, affected my ability to go to the gym. I made it Friday though, and to SSK Sunday, and back to the gym yesterday. Aside from being extremely tired**, this week seems to be shaping up to be better. I'm not sure if I'll make it to the treadmill and weights today (see footnote below), but I will at least get 20 minutes or so in on my bike at home. Tonight I weigh in and measure, so hopefully I'll have good news to report soon!***
*I feel some technicolor yawning coming on even recounting the story
**While life insurance (type, amount) is a worthy subject, 12am, the night before I have to go to work is not the time.
***No, I don't think having a filet mignon smothered in shrimp, crab, and hollandaise and a luscious creme brulee Saturday is a set back. Really. So what if it contained enough calories to make me gain 5 pounds?
Can I get some painkillers? An asprin?
Really, the pain is quite incredible.
~Wesley, BTVS
Good god I am sore from last night's martial arts adventure. I not only got 7 (SEVEN!) new kicks, a couple new strikes, and time with Si Fu on my new escrima sticks, I got a new, advanced Chin Na* move. My hips and legs are a little tired from the use of new muscles for harder and more dangerous kicks, but what really makes me want to lay in bed on a heating pad all day hurts is my back. I can only assume it is angry at me for picking up three men, average of 200lbs apiece, and throwing them down. In order to do this**, the opponent is behind me, holding me in a bear hug. I rap his hands with my knuckles repeatedly in order to make him let go. I slip to the left, rack him, slip to the right (my left hip now lines up with his right), throw my right arm around the back of his waist, grab his right arm with my left hand, bend over, and do the twist. The opponent lands on the ground on his back. It's quite a lot of fun to do, but it certainly works muscles that don't normally get worked, even when lifting weights.
No movement on the scale to report, but given that I've been under the weather most of the week, I'm okay with that. I have dinner with mother tonight, and I will take my packed gym bag with me, so I can head straight there after. Assuming my back doesn't completely give out by the end of the night, that is.
*Chin Na means to "trap and lock", and is a method of controlling an opponent's ability to move/fight/defend, similar to Jujitsu.
**DO NOT try this at home.
The devil is in the details
I spent last Thursday and Friday evenings on the couch with Buffy, a big coke, and munchies. During my whole two day break from a god awful and brutal strict diet and exercise routine, I gained back two pounds. Not a huge amount, but when I weighed myself Saturday morning, it was devastating.
By Saturday afternoon I was back at the gym, and Sunday, back to martial arts. Of course, I woke up Monday morning with whatever dread sinus/throat/ear crap someone was kind enough to pass on to me. Made it to the doc yesterday, and one day after heavy duty antibiotics and sinus medication, I'm almost back to normal. This has to be the quickest recovery from an upper respiratory infection I have ever had. I'm planning on making it to SSK tonight, and back to the gym tomorrow, and my diet is back on track, now that I can stand up long enough to make something to eat.
This morning I woke up and realized I had no clean clothes for this morning. I'd managed to completely forget to throw in a load in my cough medicine haze. Cringing, I pulled out a pair of pants I hadn't worn in months because they were tight and uncomfortable. I am now sitting at my desk, wearing said pants, and they aren't cutting into my waist at all. Yesterday, I noticed my size 18 dress slacks that I would love if they weren't size 18 are getting big, falling off my hips big. I have not lost that much weight, but it's becoming clear I'm losing size. Even my bras are just a little big in the cups.
These are the accomplishments I need, and need to record, because they keep me going. If I can fit into the pants I wore a year ago, I know I'm making serious progress.
Historic Moment
Yesterday, I completed my belt test and earned the rank of yellow belt. Two years after initially starting the class, and after 3 months of focus and determination, I am the first woman in our class to rank up.
Despite nearly debilitating cramps, I made it through 25 push ups and Chinese sit ups, 35 jumping jacks, 20 minutes or so of drills, and exhibiting my ability to perform 6 combinations, 8 point blocking system, and first pinion. By the time I was halfway through drills, I no longer noticed the pain in my pelvis, just the burning in my legs from kicking from horse stance. Si Fu was pleased with my progress and happily gave me my new belt. Afterward, he served traditional chinese green tea to all in attendance, to mark the occasion.
Si Fu's vision is to see this little class of misfits grow into a true dojo. If that happens, I am honored to hold the distinction of being the first woman to move beyond white belt. My, and his, next goal is for me to become the dojo's first female fighter. That means making it through yellow, orange, and purple, to my blue belt, and begin sparring.
Of course, today, I feel the pain of that small, first acheivement, as well as the pain of being a woman. In celebration, I'll spend the day on the heating pad with plenty of water, and the occasional bit of something awful for me.
Senile Agitation
Yes.
Can we use this on my Grandma?
Why is Thorazine not widely available?
208 lbs as of yesterday. I like it when the scale actually moves! My Shape plan has all these nifty graphs that I cannot pull off the website without the formatting getting all screwy.
I have my first SKK belt test tomorrow. I'm pretty sure I'll pass, but I'm still a bit nervous.
p.s. The Crummy Church Sign has been fixed. I'm glad I went back with my camera right away.
Um...wow.
I've submitted this to Crummy Church Signs. Thank you ultra conservative local church! You made my day :)
BTW- 209 lbs as of this morning. As it is Saturday, it's my day to enjoy a slightly less stringent diet. That means I had two Cokes, and a little bit of Half Moon's rolls and ribs, and will enjoy a beer or two tonight. I was too full to finish, and only made it through two ribs. J will have my leftovers lunch for tomorrow, and I'm back to my Shape diet.
Quick update
I stepped on the scale this morning and.....
210 lbs!
Two pounds down, 75 to go.
I am still a little hungry when I go to bed, but I think my stomach is adjusting to digesting less food. I've been following my shape diet plan pretty well, although I modify every meal to suit my taste and economic needs.
If anyone has any suggestions for low fat/lo cal meals that don't include peppers of any kind, peaches, tomatoes, or steak, please pass them on.
i'm back!
I crashed and burned. Hard.
I've been busy, unmotivated, broke, a million excuses. I've maintained at 214 lbs for the past 2 1/2 months. At least I didn't really backtrack :)
About a month ago, my doctor wrote a letter of medical and financial need to the YMCA, and I was given a scholarship membership at a discounted rate. My father payed the balance of my dues, and I now have access to the Y for the next year. I've made use of the weight machines, treadmills, and exercise bikes.
Also, I've been taking Shaolin Kempo Karate for a couple months, which I credit for my lack of weight gain. This particular martial art is a hybrid form, developed by Fred Villari around the same time Bruce Lee was developing Jeet Kune Do. More information can be found here. It's a great workout, and I'm gaining strength, focus, and most importantly, motivation.
My desire to be good at martial arts is a driving force behind my recent return to a healthy diet and exercise. Shape has an interesting diet and exercise plan, with daily emails and meal suggestions. It has an online diary which tracks calories, fat, carbs, and protein, as well as how many calories (approximately) you burn per workout. The exercise plan only includes cardio, but I am also weight training at least 4 times a week (two days lower body, two days upper body, abs all the time).
I have new goals now. I want to lose the excess weight I'm carrying, but more than that, I want to be strong, flexible, and a damn good fighter. Since I was introduced to the UFC a few years ago, I've had a secret desire to participate in MMA. There are more and more women's leagues popping up, and I want to fight. I need to achieve several more belts in my current class, as well as have some training in boxing and jujitsu. That means increasing my endurance, strength, and overall ability. I hope to be ready for amateur fights in two years.
I'll be outlining my diet and exercise routines on at least a weekly basis. At least, that's the plan!
After not getting nearly enough sleep last night, I managed to make it through 25 minutes of Turbo Jam Punch, Kick, & Jam. That's only half the actual workout. It was just too hot in here to keep going.
Needless to say, I'm exhausted.
So I'm going to bed.
Night!
Tweet
Look over to your left..... yeah, the pink box. I finally managed to find a Twitter widget that would show up on my blog. I'm contemplating using this as a real time food diary, but I haven't decided yet.
Feel free to follow me!
Not enough hours in the day...
I can handle eating relatively well, or not eating as the case may be. In fact, I've done very well this week moderating my intake of really, really bad for me foods, and instead indulging in healthier, tastier, and slightly more expensive foods. Hummus.....mmmmmm. I stay full, longer, and feel better physically and psychologically.
Exercise, however, is a harder obstacle to overcome. I cannot make myself walk beyond the convenience store a block away. It's hot outside, and I have some paranoia issues regarding walking alone I need to eventually deal with. Aside from that, it's just plain boring. Even with music, I find walking completely uninteresting.
I have exercise videos I truly enjoy doing. Carmen Electra is fun and silly. Turbo Jam is hard, painful, and kind of exhilarating. Belly dancing makes me feel slightly more graceful, and yoga is relaxing. Finding the time to do these videos is the problem. Despite my love for them, I have so many other things to do, I tend to put them off till later in the night when it's cooler, and my other, more pressing activities are done. That means I don't get to them.
I have a personal goal of Kung Fu once a week, Turbo Jam 3 times, and (once I purchase the necessary equipment, ie weights), upper body conditioning at least once.
Sunday, I made it through 1.5 hours of Kung Fu. I took Monday off to recover from my first class in a year and a half. Tuesday, I made it all the way through Turbo Jam Learn & Burn. Wednesday off to recover. Today was to be another Turbo Jam day. Instead I spent the entire evening with my sister and friends. It's now nearly eleven, and time for me to head to bed, and there is no way I'd be able to sleep soon after working out. That means Turbo Jam the next two days, and then straight to Kung Fu Sunday. I'm going to be sore, and tired, and probably pretty cranky, but I will have accomplished my goal.
I can do that, right?
I crashed and burned. I totally got off track from the diet, quit even trying to work out, and gave up updating. I let my self get distracted by a myriad of other projects and things to focus on, and let my commitment go by the wayside.
But, by god, I am back.
Kung Fu yesterday re-energized me. It's been a year and a half since I last held horse stance for an hour and a half, so going back was not easy. It hurt then, and it hurts now. But it is so much fun. I love the fact that, not too long from now, not only will I be more toned, but more capable of defending myself, at least in some situations.
In order to get where I want to be in Kung Fu, I will have to do more cardio and at least some weight training. A key component of belt tests are sit-ups and push-up, so I will have to work on my upper body strength and get my abs back.
I'm in the process of trying to convince my mother to diet with me. I think it would be beneficial to both of us.
More tomorrow!
Finally, I have a few spare minutes to update. G has been particularly trying this weekend, and when he wasn't demanding my attention, I ended up just staring at the wall, trying to decompress. I haven't been good about keeping track of everything I eat this weekend, but I can tell you this: 1 coke Saturday, in an effort to keep my wits about me while dealing with one very angry child, 1 chunk cookie dough, and two cookies last night. Aside from that, I've been maintaining my much healthier eating habits, working out, and losing weight. As of this morning, I am down to 210 lbs! I even went out to eat with my sis and dad Friday night. I managed to keep my portions in check, and only ate about 15 petals of the Bloomin' Onion (curse you evil appetizer eating family). Of course, I offset this by attempting the Turbo Jam Learn & Burn workout. Hardest physical thing I have ever done, by far, but kind of fun. I'll probably try again tonight.
My taste for coke and other sweet treats, while still present, is diminishing significantly. I was perfectly happy with one small bite my dad and sister's deserts at Outback, and didn't feel the need to finish off what they couldn't (gluttons). Carrot sticks are my friends, as are very small servings of almonds (after workouts for the protein they provide). Clearly I'm doing something right if I'm losing weight, right? And, for the big news, I'm losing inches!
Last Measure:
Arm: 15.5
Bust: 45.5
Waist: 39
Hips: 48
Thigh: 27
Calf: 15.5
Today's Measure:
Arm: 14.5
Bust: 44.5
Waist: 37.5
Hips: 46
Thigh: 24.5
Calf: 15.5
That's a total of 8 inches lost. Sadly, my calves are not shrinking as of yet, but as long as my hips and thighs are, I'm a happy girl.
If it doesn't hurt, you're not doing it right.
As stated last night, I've been a naughty girl. Not in that I've strayed from diet, just that I've been too pooped at night, and too busy during the day to get my posts out. I haven't been as diligent about figuring the nutritional information for meals I prepare (mostly) from scratch, but I have been sure to measure carefully, and make sure I am using correct portion sizes. The only deviation from this has been Tuesday night, when J got off work early, and we decided to do "Dinner Out" at home. We went to Marsh, picked up shrimp, scallops, a bottle of wine, some beautiful zucchini, and a package of sushi. We were starving by the time we got home, so we had the sushi as an appetizer, and then seared the scallops, sauteed the shrimp and zucchini with a few marinated artichokes, and had a lovely dinner together. I do not, however, recommend Twin Fin Pinot Grigio to anyone; it was way too strong and citrus-y.
In other news, here is my exercise for the week:
Monday- one 10 minute yoga session, walked to my parents house (13 blocks round trip)
Tuesday- 3 10 minute yoga sessions, including basics, abs, and flexibility.
Wednesday- 20 minute yoga workout of my own design, including some poses I really enjoy, done power yoga style.
I'm far less sore today, but I have a very busy evening ahead of me. I'm not sure I'll have time to workout tonight.
Tomorrow, back to our regular format with the gory details of what I've been eating. I will say, with some certainty, I've been keeping my caloric intake at or below 1600 per day, and fat below 60g per day. My carbs are still higher than I'd like, but low fat/low cal foods tend to be pretty carb heavy.
Also, 1 more pound down, 77 to go. I weighed in at 215 on my home scale this morning. *Sqeeeeeeeeeeeee*
Naughty little minx
I've been a very busy and very tired girl, and that has prevented me from actually writing a post in a couple days. I promise I will be back tomorrow with a recap! Rest assured, the exhaustion is at least partially due to the fact I've done yoga 3 days in a row. I might have to take tomorrow off and let my muscles get a break, but we'll see.
Tune in tomorrow for a weigh-in and major catching up.
Good news for the day: NO CANCER! Pathology reports came back this afternoon, and the scary lump the doc removed Thursday, was not, in fact, cancerous. w00t!
Now, back to our regularly scheduled blog....
Sometimes, I do really stupid things. Not life threatening stupid (well, not often), but bimbo stupid. When I was in middle school, I had a silk shirt I loved. It was tan, soft, smooth and buttery, and still in fashion. Sitting at the dinner table, I went to shake up the Italian dressing, unaware the cap was not on tightly. I splattered the entire front of the shirt with vinegar and oil. Needless to say, the shirt was ruined.
There have been other bottle incidents:
The Lexan Water Bottle Incident: It was a nice bottle, with a tricky lid that did not always seal. I threw it in my purse after work, and realized halfway home it had leaked into my extremely waterproof leather purse, drowning my cell phone. The bottle was thrown out, and new phone purchased immediately.
The Coke Incident: Leaving my grandmother's to return to Kokomo, I took a swig of Coke and threw it in my purse. Not 10 minutes into the trip, I realized the Coke had leaked and filled the bottom of my brand new Nine West bag, which was surprisingly waterproof for not being leather. This time my phone and MP3 player were affected. The phone lasted a couple more months, the MP3 player turned on long enough for me to retrieve it's library.
You would think, by this point, I would have learned my lesson. I'm very careful to make sure everything is secure before it goes in my bag. Today, however, I decided to mix up a packet of Protein Water in the spiffy new Lexan bottle my father gave me. I filled it, made sure it was screwed on tightly, and proceeded to throw water all over my desk as I shook it up. Yep, I forgot to make sure the spout was sealed. No one was in the office to hear the cursing as I ran for paper towels. Luckily, this stuff contains no sugar, so it doesn't get sticky as it dries.
Look! New system. Fancy, eh?
| Food | Cal. | Fat | Carbs | Protein |
| Cereal | 110 | 0 | 25 | 3 |
| Milk | 50 | 1.25 | 12 | 8 |
| Banana | 105 | 0 | 27 | 1 |
| Bliss Bar | 90 | 2 | 17 | 1 |
| Protein Water | 30 | 0 | 6 | 5 |
| Salad | 335 | 15 | 26 | 21 |
| Cookie Dough (4) | 480 | 24 | 64 | 4 |
| Chicken | 160 | 7 | 10 | 27 |
| Asparagus | 20 | 0 | 4 | 0 |
| Bread | 120 | 1 | 24 | 4 |
| Yogurt | 100 | 0 | 19 | 5 |
| Strawberries | 25 | 0 | 6 | 0 |
| | 1625 | 50.25 | 240 | 79 |
The Everything Salad consisted of 1.5oz. spinach, 1/3 cup defrosted green peas, 1/2 cup chickpeas, 1.5oz. tuna, 1.5 tbsp Caesar dressing, and a sprinkle of romano cheese. It was seriously good, and seriously filling. It had great nutritional value, and was an appropriate size for lunch, in my opinion. I found a food scale on clearance at Kroger last week for $3.50, and decided it was worth the little extra money. It's very handy for making sure I've portioned out my food properly, and I've already used it several times. It comes with a container for holding the food to be measured, and everything fits inside it. Brilliant. I had to guess on the chicken, as it was cooked and given to me by my parents. I took the base for the amount of chicken I had, and added fat and carbs for the breading and oil it was sauted in.
If only I had been able to resist the lure of the cookie dough. I'll be picking up a bulk size package of TicTacs during my weekly shopping trip, as a way to get my sugar fix, without throwing my whole diet out of whack. One thing I will not be purchasing this week is any Lunchables. I'm working so hard to make sure I'm eating food that is not only good for me, but fairly natural as well, I feel like I should be passing that on to my son. Instead, I'll pick up lean lunchmeat and real cheese, along with fresh veggies for munchies. G already has a serious thing for GoGurt and granola, so hopefully the transition will not be too difficult on him. We'll save the Lunchables for car trips and special occasions.
Downtime...
Not much to report from the last couple days. Friday was spent relaxing on the sofa, and not really paying attention to what I ate. Yesterday, I felt completely awful, and hardly ate at all. I had all of one banana, 3 slices of bread, and a chicken noodle soup at hand. That's all I could even contemplate keeping down. I have been drinking quite a bit Coke the past few days, mostly because it soothes my throat, which is still sore from the breathing tube.
Here's the breakdown so far today:
1 Yoplait Light, 1 no sugar added applesauce, 3 chunks cookie dough, 1 Chik Pattie on wheat with 1 tbsp. light generic Miracle whip. Dinner is going to be asparagus, tilapia, and couscous.
Tomorrow, it's back to my routine, only with the new caveat of carefully weighing and measuring everything I eat that isn't individual serving size. I want to get an accurate picture of my nutritional intake. I think it will help me tailor this diet to maximize my weight loss, while ensuring I'm getting the nutrients I need.
I've also discovered Fitness Magazine Online. They have some neat diet and exercise tools, including the option to build a workout based on what equipment you have and the areas you want to work on. I intend to start doing yoga in the morning before work, and then a more strength/aerobic routine in the evening. Stay tuned to see how that actually works for me :)
An intriguing idea stolen from Cor...
....Reveal seven idiosyncrasies to the world. Since I am opting out of my diet for the day, I thought it might be fun. We'll get to that in a minute.
First, an update. The surgery went well, and I returned to the world of the living after anesthesia with surprising ease. I am extremely sore, and have been warned tomorrow will be worse, but am otherwise awake, able to carry on conversations, even type. All this while having 12mg of morphine as soon as I woke up, and one Tylenol 3 a few minutes ago. God bless modern medicine and it's creation of pain medication I can function on. Though, I have always wondered what it would be like to be given laudanum....
This morning, I was forced to step on the scale at the hospital. 214 lbs. My scale at home read 220lbs last night. The doctor's scale clocked in at 222.5lbs Tuesday afternoon. I think I need a new analog or digital scale with re-zero feature. My current digital was very, very cheap, and I suspect it has gone a bit wonky. It's approximately 6 years old, and has survived 5 moves. That has to do something to the sensors inside. The nurse at the doctor's office assured me the scale was often incorrect, as it is quite old and has also been moved several times. For right now, I'm going with the hospital unit, as it is most likely the newest. The fact it is also the the lowest weight has nothing to with it. Nothing at all.
And now, the moment you've been waiting for since the beginning of the post-
7 Idiosyncrasies meme:
- When eating small candies such as Skittles or M&Ms, I must eat an even number at a time, in order to have the same amount on each side of my mouth. TicTacs drive me insane, because they always contain an odd number of candies. I'm not so obsessive as to throw the last out, but I will switch it back and forth in my mouth an even number of times.
- I do Kegel exercises constantly while sitting or standing still, and while lying in bed, trying to sleep. As a child, I had a severe bed wetting problem (it runs in the family, and poor G has also been afflicted), so a doctor explained what they were, and advised me to do them as often as possible. I got in the habit, and now cannot stop.
- I cannot have a completely organized living environment. It's impossible for me to find anything when everything is in it's place. I have to be able to just pick up what I want when I want it, and set it down when and where I want. Otherwise, I am lost.
- I am the complete opposite at work. I have to have a place for everything. It may not be a conventional approach to organization, but it works for me. When I deviate from my pattern, it completely throws me off, and I am usually forced (by myself) to spend days returning things to order.
- I am slightly socially retarded, and sometimes have trouble thinking on my feet, so at night, as I'm going to sleep, I practice responses to situations I come up with in my head.
- If I have to shut down my web browser, I end the process through the task manager in order to be able to restore my currents tabs. If they were the same all the time, I would just set them up to be my home pages. But, they fluctuate often, and I can't be bothered to remember what they are.
- I can taste red peppers in anything, no matter how small of an amount. I hate red peppers. And I voice my distaste loudly if a restaurant does not list peppers as a part of an entree. As a result, I avoid crab cakes and anything Cajun or Creole.
Time for more pain medicine and chocolate covered peanuts (yes, I'm taking this break from being good very, very seriously). Have a lovely Thursday night!
Beware the long, explanitory post....
The Republican Lincoln Day Dinner last night was fairly pleasant, if a little boring. We ate dinner with the Chairman of the Howard County Republican Party, and the Indiana Attorney General. It would seem Mr. Chairman has some grand plans for J, and referred to him all night long as the future of the Republican party. I'm snickering even now, because when I met J, I would never have guessed he'd be the darling of the elephants. He's tattooed and a feminist, not your traditional straight-laced conservative business man one usually associates with the (particularly local) political scene.
Unfortunately, the preparations, and post dinner pain in my feet from wearing heels prevented me from doing any yoga. By the time I felt I had regained enough energy to try, my sis and a friend came by to borrow movies, and ended up staying for an hour and a half. We chatted movies, tv, comics, D&D, and politics before I finally kicked them out in order to go to bed. It was worth missing the yoga to just hang out for a bit.
Intake/Output:
Breakfast: Cereal w/milk
Snack: Protien water, Bliss Bar, Orange Light yogurt (strange texture due to orange zest in the yogurt. Not likely to buy it again).
Lunch: Chik Pattie on whole wheat bread w/small amount of mayo, large handful of baby carrots
Snack: 2 Devil's Food cookies
Dinner: Salad w/ approx 3 tsp dressing, 1 chicken breast with artichokes, mushrooms, and tomatoes, sauteed green beans, and 1 half serving risotto.
Desert: Angel food cake with mixed berry compote and 1/2 whipped cream provided (which was not much).
Water: Again, lots. At least 4 bottles, possibly more.
Other Beverages: 1 small Serendipity coke, 1 Strawberry Melon Fuze Slenderize.
All in all, not a bad day. The dinner was surprisingly healthy, and while desert contained quite a few calories, it was fairly low in fat. Plus, vitamins and antioxidants from the berries. Okay, I suck and cracked and ate the whole thing. But it was tasty. And worth it.
I mentioned my impending surgery a couple days ago, and for those who are not my family, or don't read my LJ, here's the scoop: I am having a relatively small procedure to remove abnormal cells from my cervix. This is normally not a big deal, but because I had quite a bit of pain with the initial biopsy, both during the ripping out of tissue, and for a couple days after, the doctor is going to put be under (thank god). While I've been told this procedure is less traumatic than the horror that is the biopsy, I'm not expecting to be able to do much of anything for a couple days, so blogging will likely be light. I'll attempt to continue with my diet, but it will depend on how able I am to get up and move around. Thankfully, the doctor has assured me he will prescribe pain medicine post op, so hopefully I won't be down long.
I've decided to not try to exercise today, for the simple fact I'm going to be miserable enough tomorrow, and I don't want to add sore abs and hips into that equation. I expect to be able to do at least the relaxation session on my DVD by Sunday.
I'll be back tonight, to tell you all of my amazing ability to curl up in a little ball in the face of pressure due to my procrastination get a week's worth of things done in one night.
Sunday was crap and I prefer not to talk about it. However, here's the cliff notes:
Exhausted, hungry all day, G being nearly impossible to wrangle, and nerves caused by impending surgery on Thursday equaled 4 chunks cookie dough. 4.
Today has been somewhat more successful.
I had to go into work for a couple hours this morning, then ran by the doctor's office, and went over to my mom's to do a few things for her. I cleaned up the kitchen, made it through a couple loads of laundry, installed her new printer, cleaned off the dining room table, and ran to the grocery store. After, I came home to eat some lunch, then apprehensively made my way to the hospital have blood drawn and pee in a cup (also for the impending surgery), and finally came home to relax for an hour or so. Late afternoon, we headed out to pay the car note, and drop G off with his step mom. Shopping at Dress Barn for an outfit for the Republican Lincoln Day Dinner tomorrow night (successfully!), and making dinner followed. I had intended to do some yoga this evening, but dinner was so late, and I am so exhausted that I think it will have to wait until tomorrow.
Intake/Output:
Breakfast: Cereal with 1% milk, Boston Cream Pie Yogurt
Snack: 1 small bottle Bolthouse Farms Mocha Protein drink (a little high in fat and calories, but it packs a huge amount of protein and vitamins).
Lunch: Rest of the chicken and artichoke pasta, Protein Water.
Snack: 1 devil's food cookie, 1 Bliss Bar.
Dinner: 1 Tilapia fillet, 1 serving brown rice, 1 small serving sweet corn, 2 crescent rolls. I know the crescent rolls are really, really, bad for me, but considering how little fat was in dinner itself (the tilapia only had approx. 2g fat), I decided to splurge a little.
Cokes: NONE!
Water: A lot. I lost track. I'm getting in the habit of drinking it all the time.
Other Beverages: 1 Fuze Slenderize. It was so tasty, but so expensive. I'll be keeping and eye out for it to go on sale.
All in all, today went pretty well. My fat consumption is still a little higher than I would like, but I 'm still adjusting my body, and mind, to functioning with more protein and fiber. I will get there, and I know it's going to take time.
Thanks again for reading. Tune in tomorrow when I whine about the lack of healthy choices at the dinner tomorrow night. I suppose I'll have to be really good all day to make up for it. And yoga, a long yoga session.
Lesson learned yesterday: tired and cranky = no self control.
By the time we got home last night, and I got the child settled down and in bed, I was dead tired. Too tired to even contemplate blogging. Unfortunately, J had a wedding last night, and of course, forgot his keys. This meant I had to stay up until he got home in order to let him in, as I cannot sleep when the door is unlocked. By 11:30, I was hungry and pissed off and cracked and had two cookie dough chunks and a small glass of coke. *Insert string of expletives here*
The rest of the day went much better though....
I was up at 9, and by 2pm had done my pilates 20 minute workout, been to Walmart, picked up Griffin, been to Marsh, and dropped J off at work. We went over to my parents where we all took a nap, then I picked up Papa Murphy's for all of us (DeLite pizza for me), cooked them, did the dishes, folded and put away laundry, swept and mopped the kitchen floor, and gathered up my mom's trash. It was a busy and tiring day, so I'm trying not to feel bad about my brief regression into sugary emotional eating.
Intake/Output:
Breakfast: My usual cereal and a light yogurt
Lunch: Leftover chicken and artichoke pasta
Snack: Bliss Bar, protein water, 1 devil's food cookie
Dinner: 2 sliced Papa Murphy's Vegetarian DeLite Pizza, 3 Devil's Food Cookies
Snack: 2 chunks cookie dough
Water: 4
Soda: 1 Diet Stewart's Rootbeer, 1 small glass coke
Exercise: 20 minute pilates workout, trips to Marsh and Walmart, cleaning at my parents
Sadly, I don't think I'll be trying the pilates again. I can do the core exercises, but the leg routines hurt my hips to badly to do at all. At least I only paid $6 for the DVDs (thank you Don's Used Books!). Luckily, my sis is willing to let me borrow her yoga DVD, so I will have something to do.
G is pestering me for something to drink, so that's all for now. Have a lovely day!
Tic Tacs are my friend....
One package contains 70.3 calories. On a day like today, where I felt munchy most of the day, they have proven invaluable to keeping my sanity, and my diet, in check. The key, as I learned, is not to stuff eight in one's mouth at the same time, but to only eat two (have to keep it even, Gwen), and savor them as long as possible. This also, I believe, helped keep my smoking in check. I'm at well under a pack, and it's already 10:30.
Other than that, I did pretty damn well today, if I do say so myself. Even a trip to Aldi to buy cheap wine, where there were hazelnut cream chocolates didn't deter me. I managed to avoid the call of the cookie dough, and kept myself to less than one coke. I even found the pilates DVDs (hidden in one of my boxes of yarn?), and completed an entire workout. I RULE!
And now for the boring part.....
Intake/Output:
Breakfast: One bowl Kroger Active Lifestyle Strawberry cereal w/ 1% milk.
Snack: Special K Raspberry Bliss Bar (almost as good as a candy bar, and better for me).
Lunch: Baby spinach salad topped with 1 Chik Pattie and 1 tbsp shitake sesame vinaigrette, 2 Snackwells' Devil's Food cookies
Afternoon Snacks: Boston Cream Pie Yoplait Light, 2 Devil's Food cookies, 1 bottle Protein Water
Dinner: Chicken sauteed in a little olive oil, seasoned with thyme, black pepper and a little salt, with 1 6 oz jar marinated artichoke hearts, penne pasta (approx. 1/2 cup), steamed broccoli, and one glass tempranillo (sp?) wine. J and I concocted this recipe, trying to find a way to make the chicken flavorful enough for him, but still keep it healthy. I had some misgivings about the nutritional value of the artichokes, but the whole jar only has 120 calories, and 12 grams of fat. I had maybe a 1/3 of it, so I'm okay with my decision to make this a purple entry.
Water: 4 bottles, not including the protein water! Yay me!
Cokes: less than 1.
Exercise: 25 minute pilates workout, 10 minutes working on arms and back with 3lb weights. Mostly moderate exercise, as I had to modify some of the pilates moves, due to a flimsy neck. I will try the 20 minute workout tomorrow. I expect it will be harder.
And now for the moment I've dreaded.....
Measurements:
Upper Arm: 15 1/2 in
Bust (while contained in my bra): 45 1/2 in
Waist: 39 in
Hips: 48 in
Thigh: 27 in
Calf: 15 1/2 in
Scary.
One huge change I've noticed is my energy level. Despite not getting enough sleep last night, I did not feel like I was going to fall asleep at my desk suffering at all, aside from dark circles. Also, I am peeing all the time. I know drinking water is good for me, but this is a little ridiculous.
That's all for now folks, tune in next time to hear about how I crashed and burned continued to make great strides in my goal to lose 80lbs. Until then, wish me skinny thoughts :)
p.s. Notice how all the exercise and food parts are purple. *Squeal*
Day 2
Today went markedly better than yesterday. However, my wonderful but evil fiance came home last night with an entire box of frozen chocolate chip cookie dough, in convenient cookie size chunks. A co-worker's child was selling goodies for some fundraiser, and several weeks ago, J agreed to buy one. It was long before I decided to change my diet and try to lose this extra weight.
It proved to be impossible for me to ignore the sweet temptation of such an available treat. I did manage to restrain myself and have only one. I've chosen not to look at the nutritional information, and continue to live in bliss. Thankfully, J has agreed to let me gift it (minus one cookie chunk) to my parents or friends, just to get it out of the house and away from my greedy little gullet.
Onward to the stats!
New color: Green is for neither good nor bad, just okay.
Intake/Output:
Breakfast: Honey and peanut butter toast (not great, but it packs some protein and the added natural energy honey provides), Kroger Mixed Berry Light Yogurt.
Midday Snack: Kroger Mixed Berry Light Yogurt (all I had left at work), Special K Protein Water ( I love this stuff).
Lunch: Chik Pattie on white with approx. 1/2 tbsp mayo, 16 colored goldfish, 1 chunk cookie dough.
Afternoon Snack: 2 Snackwell's Devil's Food Cookies. Similar nutritional content to a 100 calorie pack, and far more satisfying.
Dinner: 1 thin cut pork chop, 1/4 cup couscous with fresh parsley and shallots, large baby spinach salad (2 cups?) with 1 tbsp Caesar dressing, (Caesar is terrible for me, but I kept my intake to half a serving, and turned down another half pork chop in exchange), Boston Cream Pie Yoplait Light.
Cokes: 1, and I didn't even finish it!
Water: 3 bottles, 16.9 oz. Not my goal, but far better than yesterday.
Exercise: 3 trips around the grocery store, picking up the bedroom. Unfortunately, the weather was so icky, it wasn't possible to work on my parents garden, or even go for a walk. And my Windsor Pilate's DVD's are M.I.A. The search is on, and hopefully I can start doing that soon.
One huge victory over my lack of self control to report. I took a bottle of coke to work with me. After thinking about, I decided to drink water instead, and treat myself to a Serendipity coke after work. I did, and I didn't even make it through the whole thing. I'm finding drinking water really is helping to control my hunger. I feel fuller longer. It also helps I've upped my protein intake, and Protein Water is a huge help in that department. A yogurt and that water, and I'm good for several hours.
A couple people have looked at me really strangely when I tell them what I'm doing. The thing is, it's really easy to fudge the facts when I am only accountable to myself. Doing this in such a public manner, I feel completely obligated to be completely truthful. It's forcing me to take a more in depth look at my daily activities and eating habits, and will hopefully help me change those things. So, thank you to those who have voiced your support. I appreciate it immensely.
*edit* I've attempted to add an RSS feed link. Please let me know if this works. I have no idea what I'm doing here :)
Let's face it....
I've gotten fat. The magic combination of good job, great relationship, too much fast food and sedentary activities have all combined to make even my fat pants tight. I'm sick of it. With the arrival of spring, I've decided to try to change my lifestyle, and get back to a reasonable size. This blog will serve as my diet and exercise journal, as well as my forum to bitch and moan about how hard this shit is celebrate my victories.
Red is for things I deem as negative. Purple is for positive. Mostly, I just like the colors.
My current weight loss goal is 80 lbs, making my target weight 138. Right now, however, I am concentrating on losing the first twenty. If I can break 200 lbs, I'll be well on my way to reaching my ultimate goal.
Wednesdays will be weigh in and measurement days. Since today is Wednesday....
The Stats:
Current Weight: 218 Lbs.
Current Size: 16 or 18, depending on the cut of the clothing
Current Bra Size: 36 F
I'll take all my measurements tomorrow. I'm not up for the brutal truth just yet.
Consumption and Output (Food and Exercise):
Breakfast: None. I suck.
Lunch: Gave in the to call of the Double Arches- 2 cheeseburgers, small fry, 3 cookies.
Snack: Small handful of Parmesan Goldfish. About 10?
Dinner: Panera- 1/2 Portabello & Mozzarella Panini, Classic Salad with Lemon Vinaigrette, Boston Cream Pie Yoplait Light.
Dinner 2 (With J): One thin cut pork chop
Cokes: 2
Glasses of water: 1
Exercise: One hour cleaning up parents landscape. Mostly easy to moderate activity, with some serious arm work while cutting down prairie grass. Hardest I've worked in months. I'll hurt tomorrow, but it was worth it.
Goals for tomorrow:
- No fast food. None. No matter how tired and lazy I feel.
- More exercise of some sort. I might go work on my parents garden, depending on how my arms feel after today. If not, one of my dance exercise videos to focus more on my legs and aerobics.
- Get a 9v battery for the scale. It's not very useful if it isn't accurate.
- Drink more water. 4 bottles total (80 oz).
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