Hate is such an ugly word, but.....

I hate not being able to work out.

I hate giving in to random, unhealthy craving because I often hurt too bad to bother to make healthy meals.

I hate being a slave to my body.

Just few more days, and my insurance should kick in. In the meantime, screw it.

I will not let some little tumor or cyst or what have you put my life on hold anymore. I made it to SKK yesterday, and made it through a whole class, despite the nagging pain in my pelvis and severe allergies. I hurt so badly today, but I am so happy I pushed myself through.

I've lost most of the gains I made in upper body strength (12 push-ups yesterday, as opposed to 25 just a couple months ago), and gained back most of the weight. It's disheartening. I haven't even stepped on the scale in several weeks, but my pants are getting tighter again.

I think whatever is going on with my body is making it harder to lose the weight, but right now, I want to concentrate on building my strength and endurance back up. I want to belt up before Christmas, and keep progressing toward black belt.

/close declaration of intent.

On a happy note, another newer student belted up yesterday, so congrats the The Artist. It was fun to participate in his test, and Si Fu allowed me the honor of teaching The Artist his first new move post test. I find I greatly enjoy teaching and helping the other students. This is just one more thing to motivate me to continue my training, so I can at some point teach others.

This week is insane; election type stuff, and J & I's anniversary tomorrow will be keeping me busy, but I'll be aiming to ride my stationary bike at least 10 minutes a night, and hope to be able to go the gym Friday after work. I have some small knitting projects, and finally re-discovered the cable for my mp3 player, and I expect this will keep me on the treadmill/bike longer than I normally have the attention span for.

On a final note, I think I will soon spend some time profiling the various members of our little band of martial artists, and others in my life. I know people I don't know occasionally stop by to check this corner of the intarwebs out, and I feel the need to maintain the anonymity of others I write about. Si Fu and The Artist have been introduced, but prepare for a larger cast of characters in the coming weeks :)

One step forward, five steps back

It's been a crap month. Those cramps that nearly kept me from completing my belt test are back, hard. At least three days a week. I've been to the doctor, I've been to the ER, and we may have some idea what is wrong. Right now, I'm waiting for my insurance to kick in (around Oct. 27), and then I will be able to go to the appropriate specialist for a diagnosis.

The symptoms point toward a pituitary adenoma, which is a comforting term for tumor. If it is a tumor, however, it is extremely unlikely it is any kind of cancer. This particular kind is fairly common, and excretes excess prolactin (the hormone responsible for causing lactation after pregnancy). This throws the body's entire hormonal balance out whack, causing symptoms like bone crunching pain in the pelvis (like cramps, but with a chainsaw instead of a hammer), random breakouts, random lactation (yeah, I know, gross and weird), and headaches. The pain medicine is getting me through the days right now, but I can't wait to get a diagnosis and move on with my life. I can't work out, because it makes the pain worse. I am trying to make it to kung fu each week, but even that is taxing. Also, I agreed to return to the handbell choir at my church, and while I love to ring, standing in one spot for a little more than an hour kills me. Doesn't help it's on the day when the cramps are usually the worst.

But! There is good news. Si fu called me last weekend to make sure I wasn't dropping out of class (awful cramps and G's bday party caused me to miss an unheard of 3 weeks), and ask if I would be interested in taking over the business side of Cras~Tao Kungfu,in exchange for a little off my monthly fee. I agreed without hesitation. He is incredibly busy, and I am more than happy to help out with something I am so passionate about. I will be handling all the paperwork, marketing, payments, etc. This week alone, I managed to knock out a new and improved contract, a system for tracking attendance and payments, and a student profile sheet. I also put to together this:

This is my first real attempt at graphic design, and I'm fairly proud of it. Si fu was also surprisingly impressed, and immediately agreed to make it the school logo. I need to do some cleaning up for it to be resized for large print applications, but for now, it works for school paperwork and should be sufficient for patches and stickers.

I'm working on a nasty head cold, and was at church to ring bells at 7:45, so I was in no shape to perform at class today. Instead, I helped wrangle another student's son (from now on, we'll call him Squish), and assisted in teaching class. I observed, offered pointers for cleaning up moves, and occasionally got up and demonstrated when necessary. It was actually nice to be able to work with the white belts and focus on them, not on my own forms. Si fu wants me to instruct eventually, and I think is already starting to groom me. Makes me happy.